I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
