jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
