i just had sex bonerless
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
