i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
