how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You are the jesus of drinking
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
