I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
