she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
