She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
