Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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