remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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