Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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