My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
