Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
