So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
