was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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