I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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