You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
