You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
