did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The uberlube is also flammable
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
