No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
