My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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