He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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