evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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