we have officially lost it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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