So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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