oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I deserve this hangover.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
