he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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