there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
