I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
