Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
