Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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