Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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