do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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