Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
