I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
