she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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