I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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