Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
