dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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