I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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