I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
