I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Success! We fucked roommates!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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