You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I wish there were birth control emojis
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
