I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
