I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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