Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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