Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
