So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
