for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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