You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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