at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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